Parenting: A Child’s Faith

As soon as a child is capable of learning that his voice can be heard by his loving mother or his loving father in another room, he is capable of learning that his voice can be heard by a loving Father whom he has never seen; who is always within hearing, but never within sight; who is the loving Father to his father and mother, as well as of himself and of everybody else; who is able to do all things, and who is sure to do all things well.
-H Clay Trumbull

parenting a childs faith

Mr. Trumbull suggests that the first lesson in this matter of training a child’s faith is that a child is to have faith in God. An important distinction is made that this is different from having faith something else, say in prayer. He believes that faith should rest wholly and absolutely on God and God alone.

For example, let us say that a child is told to have faith in prayer and that God can do all things. Then let us say a child prays for a certain so-and-so and receives it, his faith in prayer is then increased. But let us say a child prays for a certain so-and-so and does not receive it, what is of his faith then? Is the child left to question God? Mr. Trumbull believes the child’s faith was misplaced. Instead he urges parents to consider that faith be placed in God alone.

Mr. Trumbull says, “If, however, on the other hand, you plainly tell a child that God knows what is best for us better than we know for ourselves, and that, while God is glad to have us come to Him with all our wishes and all our troubles, we must leave it to God to decide just what He will give to us and do for us, the child is ready to accept this statement as the truth; and then his faith in God is not disturbed in the slightest degree by finding that God has decided to do differently from his request to God in prayer.”

-A takeaway from Hints on Child Training by H Clay Trumbull

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

Parenting: Self Denial

It is not that a child is to be denied what he wants, merely for the sake of the denial itself; but it is that a child ought not to have what he wants merely because he wants it.
-H Clay Trumbull

let go of self

Mr. Trumbull suggests here that things in the 1890’s were getting out of control. That children were receiving too much in the way of indulgences. The quantity of presents was too many in these days, he held. Interesting. I can not help but imagine how many more presents a child receives in a year now than vs then.

Mr. Trumbull suggests this is quite harmful to a child who needs to learn self denial. A most important characteristic for a Christian. I agree. Self denial is at the core of self control, a topic that is elemental in this study of Mr. Trumbull’s book, Hints on Child Training. Mr. Trumbull goes on to suggest that, “It is every parent’s duty to deny a child many things which he wants; to teach him that he must get along without a great many things which seem very desirable; to train him to self-denial and endurance, at the table, in the playroom, with companions, and away from them; and the doing of this duty by the parent brings a sure advantage to the child.”

Without self denial, or from the parents perspective plain denial, a child, Mr. Trumbull explains is at a great disadvantage of happiness, “The average child of the present generation receives more presents and more indulgences from his parents in any one year of his life than the average child of a generation ago received in all the years of his childhood. Because of this new standard, the child of today expects new things, as a matter of course; he asks for them, in the belief that he will receive them. In consequence of their abundance, he sets a smaller value upon them severally. It is not possible that he should think as highly of any one new thing, out of a hundred coming to him in rapid succession, as he would of the only gift of an entire year.”

And so we come to the takeaway: a practical, here is a way to do it, piece of advice for parents who desire a child to understand self control. Denial.  Here’s a practical way to impart self denial to a child. Say the child request a candy.  “Papa, may I please have a marshmellow.” The father could reply, “Of course my dear, you may have one marshmellow now or you may wait five minutes and than enjoy two marshmellows, the choice is yours my child.”  Delaying gratification is a simple way such as this is an exercise in denial.  A child’s ability to deny them self is directly linked to their ability to inherit anything.  Here are a few practical examples in this world: saving for an emergency, budgeting, planning ahead, etc. Now when it comes to the most important thing, that is following Christ, one must consider the critical nature of this ability to deny one’s self.

Self denial is Christian. We are often referred to as Christ followers and as Jesus puts it self denial is the very first step.

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? -Luke 9:23-24 

Often I hear this referred to as a sort of burden “this is my cross to bear” and so forth. Though I have come to believe it quite the opposite. In the days of Jesus, it is my estimation, if you saw someone walking around with “their cross” it meant one thing. They were on their way to die. Their life was coming to an end. This mindset accompanied with Jesus’ command to deny yourself I think is an important one to consider. So much of what keeps us from following Christ is being wrapped up in our self; “but I like my sin” and so forth.

James 1:18-20 shows us clearly that selfishness is the beginning of sin. But in this case, someone who had taken up his cross, their mind I imagine would be so far from the worries of this world, which so often are wrapped up in self. Worrying about the distant future or the distant past is often a case of being consumed with self. So in turn this idea of denying self is quite freeing and peaceful.

One of great mysteries of life if this concept of letting go something you care so much about. Our nature screams ‘hold on tight’ that money, that preference, etc. but God says let go my first fruits and your vats will overflow. Much the same I believe is this concept of freeing yourself from being consumed with self. Letting go of self, not a burden but a measure of true freedom and peace on earth.

This is essential to being a Christian, that is you can’t follow Christ without letting go of this world.  Of course, it is a cornerstone habit we need to impart to our children.

 

-A takeaway from Hints on Child Training by H Clay Trumbull

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

Good Friends: Simplicity

True friends know, accept, love, serve, and celebrate one another.
-Bill Hybles

True Friends

There is nothing quite like spending time and doing life alongside true friends. It is fun. It is rewarding. It is fulfilling. It is truly a blessing. But more, in Bill Hybles opinion it leads to a simple life. King Solomon gives this advice in Proverbs 13:20

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

People influence your life. People rub off. Bill Hybles suggest in his devotional simplify that your friends are a large factor to living a simple life. Have you ever been around someone who always seems to have a negative outlook? They seem to bring with them a cloud of drama wherever they go. I am a big proponent of positive thinking. Paul instructs us in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Seek out friends who display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Hang out with them. Your life will get much simpler.

Are you a true friend? Are you taking the time to get to know people and focusing on how you can help them? Are you a positive person who brings good to others? In my estimation often the very best way to find a true friend or an awesome mate or a great business partner is to work hard on becoming one. Look to yourself and get to work, if you are anything like me you will find plenty to work on.

 

-A takeaway from Simplify by Bill Hybels

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

 

God willing

Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.
-King Solomon

God willing

James is a most useful book for Christians who want to learn how to act. In it James writes to newly Jewish-Christians and explains just that; as followers of Christ, how are we to live. There are many practical things in this letter. As a business person here is one that I have come to believe is important to practice.

In business there are plans. Plans to do this and to do that. When we speak about the future as Christians I think we need to understand the power of our words. As a quick side note please consider reading James chapter 3 for a better understanding on how our words can change the course of our whole life. Back to it then. In business we are called to speak of the future, to lead a team to a better place in time. James shows us how we are to do this in James 4:13-15:

Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

It is my estimation, that as Christians we are called to uphold God’s reputation. Here James also tells us not to boast in the future but humble ourselves and to submit it to God. Admit that it is subject to God’s will. This I have come to believe is a way to uphold God’s reputation. Here is an example of what I am trying at:

Whenever we talk about the future may we honor God. Let this remind ourselves that God is in control. Let this proclaim our belief that our future rest in God’s hands that others would know that we belong to God. The Creator of all.

 

-A takeaway from a study in James 4:13-15

-A takeaway from a study in Proverbs 27:1

-A takeaway from a study in Jeremiah 9:24

-A takeaway from a study in 2 Corinthians 10:17

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

Let there be light

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.
-Albert Einstein

Forest Floor In Autumn With Ray Of Light

Time is such an interesting thing. Rabbi Daniel Lapin suggests that when God spoke let there be light He was in fact embedding energy in the earth for us to find and make use of, that we may have more time. Recall the sun and the moon and the stars had not yet been created when God created light. Interesting.

Last summer Jamie and I had the privilege of staying in a beautiful old bed and breakfast that was built in the 1850’s with some of our closest friends. This old home belonged to a prominent family of their day and we were lucky enough to spend some time reading a set of the family’s memoirs. Throughout the trip a friend of ours consistently drew us back in time, asking questions like what do you suppose the coolest part of living in the 1850’s would have been? We often found ourselves thinking about just how different it would have been.

The memoirs touched on some business that the father of the house had engaged in. Like most business it dealt with deep partnerships. I can not recall exactly what took place but the gist of the matter was that one of the men was traveling to take a meeting for with the other. The meeting was set by post and many things were assumed that we would not be assumed today. For example, the meeting was set on a week not on the hour or minute. That is, “I plan, should you find it agreeable and God willing, to arrive the week of the 7th.” It was assumed the traveler would be put up, that the receiver would be flexible and set, for the most part, a week aside. Also, I am assuming here, it would not be irregular that when the traveler arrived the gentleman of the house may not be there waiting to receive him. The traveler may have to wait. Imagine that.

This manner seems slow and inefficient at a superficial glance. This manner of taking a meeting and furthermore perhaps just to talk through a the details of a deal, that of which might get done via text today, would seem too slow to many of today’s CEOs. And yet these men had still managed to conduct commerce and provide commodities for our country on large scale. Interesting.

Consider for a moment how deep and meaningful a partnership a stage like this in the 1850’s would set. Contrasted with today’s ‘busy’ business owners, where often every minute is accounted for at least once. Constantly rushing around, putting out the next fire, never seeming to have enough time. Yet we have been blessed with so much energy enhancements, we have been given so much time back since the 1850’s. What a contrast.

In the old world there were two large and contrasting cultures. Jerusalem and Athens. When we think of what Greece gave the world we often think of sculptures and philosophy. Both unaffected by time. Interesting. A sculpture unchanging. A debate neverending. Another from Greece the gymnasium and preservation and worship of youth. Contrasted with Jerusalem where elders were held in high esteem. Jewish culture holds fast to time passing. They consider this understanding a blessing not something to work against. On the first day of hanukkah one candle is lit. The next day two are lit. Things are changing.

Things, relationships, are changing. Strengthening and weakening. We can not attend to a relationship once and for all and expect it to stay well. Leave it be and come back in two years and it will not be where you left it. Things are changing, getting better, getting worse.

There was a brilliant commercial I saw once that played on this fact. It was a teeth whitening commercial that said “if you’re not whitening, you’re yellowing”. They were right. Things change as time passes. I have come to believe that God gave us energy to multiply our time. The question then becomes, with all this wonderful energy at our disposal, what things are we investing our time in?

-A takeaway from Festival of Lights by Rabbi Daniel Lapin

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

 

Theological Virtues: Faith

“[Faith] is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”
-C.S. Lewis

Faith

I have for some time now felt a sense of faith being: doing what you say you will do. That is, a man is faithful if he does what he says he will. He is faithful to his word. All along, at the same time, I felt there was much more to it. After a study on this virtue I think there is.

Still I think my former understanding holds true. A man who says he will so and so and does not, I’ve found is often a case of circumstances. “You see I would not have said I would have such and such if I knew that business about the thing was just round the corner.” Some are more tolerant of circumstances than others, more determined, and so we say they are more faithful or reliant than others.

I heard Zig Ziglar tell a story that paints the picture well I think in Born to Win. The story goes like this. There was a young sailor on a ship out at sea and some weather set on rather quickly. He was directed to hurry up the mast and see to something. Taking something in perhaps before the wind blew harder for too long and damaged something I suppose. The sea had begun to toss and turn as the young sailor made his way up the mast. Looking on an old sailor noticed this young man start to sway and lose his balance. His head looking side to side and his gaze being displaced with each crash of a wave. Just before the young sailor fell, the old sailor shouted, “Look up!”. And upon looking up and setting his sights on his destination the young sailor instantly regained his balance and quite possibly saved his life.

I believe each of us need to steady our gaze as the waves of life crash in to our world. I believe this steadies us. Sets us up. Stations us as something others can lean on and depend on. Produces in us something that we ourselves need to survive the circumstances.

As Christians I believe we are called to hold to our beliefs no matter the circumstances. Not in a stubborn way, but in a consistent way. A dependable way. You see, I think the reason most tend not to prefer the man who says one thing and does another is because we can not depend on him. He fails us. And I believe that this very lack of predictability, this lack of faithfulness, is what makes it difficult for them to relate to others. How do you relate to someone whose beliefs change with the wind? How do you relate to someone who is not sound in who they are? I have come to believe you are forced to take them as they are that day and make the best of it. The issue here being that the relation is very shallow. And I do not mean, diabolical or self seeking, I mean not very meaningful. The soil is shallow, there is just not much there to work with, to relate to. After all think about it, how do you relate to someone you do not know?

Christians can not be this way. Our faith in what we believe can not change with the waves of life. Though we do not know every detail of the future we should at least know that our brothers and sisters in Christ will hold fast to their beliefs. That we also, can be depended upon to have the same view of life tomorrow as today. Not that we will always do the right thing we know right, that is another matter altogether, but that our beliefs remain. This is faith. This is what is at the foundation of deep and meaningful relation to another. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring for another but knowing how they will think about it and look at it and approach it. This can be related to. Search your deepest most meaningful relationships and you will find this. You will find faith in the other.

But faith in what? For a Christian? Christ, of course. Knowing that what He said He would do, He will. Knowing that the words of the Bible are true. Knowing that those that have not come to pass yet will. Knowing that God is who He says He is and always will be. I have come to believe that this is the cornerstone of the eternal relationship with God that we all seek.

Wrapping up this study on the Christian virtues; Faith: an unfailing knowing. Hope: a desire to fulfill. Charity: an unconditional love. This verse cries out to me like never before.

“What a person desires is unfailing love”
Proverbs 19:22a

-A takeaway from Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

-A takeaway from Born to Win by Zig Ziglar

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.

Theological Virtues: Hope

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
-C.S. Lewis

Hope

Hope is the calling to look further than right front of you. To desire more. But what of the endless chase for the rainbow’s end, where does that leave us? C.S. Lewis talks of three ways to seek this out. The first, he calls The Fool’s Way: where they blame the thing itself. The thing that showed so much promise in the start but turned back on itself and did not quite deliver. The fool goes on thinking his whole life that if only he tried a new woman, a more expensive vacation, a more interesting study, that would bring him the satisfaction he desires. The second, he calls The Way of the Disillusioned ‘Sensible Man’: where they ‘discover’ there is no end to the rainbow and they come to expect less of things. While this type is less of a burden on society they often end up a ‘prig’ and looking down on those who have not come round to the idea. The third, he calls The Christian Way: that creatures are not born with a desire there is no satisfaction for. This does not mean that a deep longing for something complete that is not found in this world proves our existence in this world a big trick, but rather that we were not designed to only exist in this world.

I believe the definition of understanding is obeying God’s law. Ecclesiastes, one of the books of wisdom of the Bible ends this way: Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

Understanding is a form of wisdom and deals with knowing the future. We hear people say things like “That was wise, you played that well: going for the promotion rather the raise. That will pay off in the end.” Understanding how a thing will turn out ‘in the end’. Psalms 119:34 reads: “Give me understanding so that I make keep Your law and obey it with all my heart.” That is, show me what will come of my actions in the end so I can make the right choice now. More desire and delight in them. Most celebrate them and praise God! True understanding rests in the eternal. Christians are blessed to be afforded the understanding of eternal ‘gratification’. Eternal understanding means sometimes making decisions to do this or that when the reward will not come in this world.

Hope is fixed on the eternal gratification. This call of Christians to keep our minds fixed on the eternal helps us determine what to do right now. For the present is where eternity touches time. C.S. Lewis puts it this way, “Aim at heaven and you will get the earth ‘thrown in’: aim at earth and you will get neither.”

Next week, a study of the the Christian virtue faith I believe will show, very plainly, what exactly it is that everyone is searching for, why our soul longs for it and how it works.

 

-A takeaway from Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

As always good books, takeaways, stories, and/or lessons learned on the subject are most appreciated.